


Spilled Coffee

by tiinygay



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, Karkat is mexican, M/M, Multi, Some angst, What else is new, childhood abuse tw, dave is a shitty white boy, lots of admiration for the booty, so many aus sheesh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7932877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiinygay/pseuds/tiinygay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the goddamn barista keeps spelling my name wrong just to piss me off- au.<br/>full of rly bad comebacks and gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's not That Hard

**Author's Note:**

> first fic pls dont hurt me

==> Be the Shorter than Average Angry 20-Something

You're name is Karkat Vantas and this barista is giving you trouble. 

“Look, it's not that fucking hard, K-A-R-K-A-T, my parents might have been assholes giving me a name like that but, honestly?? You are just being rude now” you said exasperated. 

The ridiculously tall barista just smirked and said 

“Sorry sir, I'll be sure and remember next time.”

“Yea?! you have said that every day for the past two weeks now!!!”

The rude guy just kept his smug-ass face. You just huffed and went to sit down at a nearby table with your hot drink with the said misspelled name. 

Every damn time you came in here the asshole barista misspelled, or wrote down the wrong name! He even wrote ‘Kitty-Kat’ one time. As if regular misspellings aren't bad enough, you weren't sure if that was teasing or a sign this guy was into some weird stuff. Regardless of these thoughts you flopped little to harshly down into the chair and spilled some of the sugary, caffeinated drink on the table.

“Goddamn it” you said not so quietly, trying to sop up the mess. and earning a disapproving look from a nearby mother. 

Whoops. 

In a flash the asshole barista was hanging over you with several napkins in hand, you jumped when you saw the unreasonably tall barista looming over you. 

“Need help?” he flashed a cheeky grin and started helping you sop up the spilled coffee without waiting for permission. 

You grumbled a low “thanks” and took out your laptop to start on your homework. 

You eye the retreating blondes ass as he sauntered his way back to behind the counter. It was nice, if a little small. Unfortunately, at this moment he chose to look over his shoulder. He caught you staring at his backside and raised an eyebrow telling you you had been caught red handed. You immediately felt your face flush, turning as red as your sweatshirt. You returned to your screen, to hide your face. You could hear him snicker as he walked away.

==> Be The Asshole Barista

You name is Dave Strider and you know that short guy likes to have an excuse to talk to you. You're not complaining, he is kind of cute. In a weird kinda way. It was endearing how he always feigned anger, you mean, c’mon, it's been weeks and he still gives a shit? 

It was obviously just a ruse. 

The only reasonable explanation was that he just can't resist the Strider charm. That's understandable you are physically irresistible.

Anyways, now that you caught him looking at your ass you have even more to tease him about.

Right now your thoughts are interrupted by a malicious giggle. Can giggles be malicious? Yes of course they can, and they were invented by Vriska Serket, your roommate (and best friend's) girlfriend. She is also your annoying coworker who is currently giggling at you and the angry 20-somethings antics.

“Just ask him out already!” she whispered in between snickers. You peek your head over the coffee grinder to make sure Karkat won't hear any of the conversation. He had some headphones in and was bobbing his head slightly to the music. Okay, you were in the clear.

“No man, we don't even know each other” you replied smoothly making the next customers drink. You and her have had this conversation before.

“Correction, he doesn't know you; you know almost everything about him.” and there was Terezi, picking up her usual drink at the counter.

You met her as a freshman. She thought you were funny and saw right though your cool guy mask. She wouldn't let you be cool in peace and the two of you eventually became great buddies, she's now one of your best friends, aside from John, even though you guys no longer have any classes together. When you found out she and Karkat used to date in high school you insisted on getting the lowdown on the short guy. She reluctantly told you some simple stuff but refused to tell you anything more, something about 'privacy' and 'getting to now each other.' 

you flew back to the present where her comment made Vriska's giggle turn into a full blown evil laugh. Terezi frowned at Vriska. 

Their past, from what you could gather was rather complicated. 

They don't hate each other, but they don't exactly like each other either. 

Terezi doesn’t like to talk about it, and you weren't about to have a heart to heart with Vriska quite yet. Although, one time you and Terezi got shitfaced and you asked her about it. Apparently, they had been good friends as children. They were practically inseparable. They even came up with a name, ‘the scourge sisters’. Then some stuff happened and they had a falling out. Long story short, Vriska caused Terezi to become blind and caused Vriska to lose an arm. You don't know the exact details of it, and they both didn't seem to mind much anymore, in fact, they seem to see their misfortunes as more of a ‘character development’ to use of of their words, than a setback. Vriska managed to get prosthetic arm that functions like a regular hand, and you constantly forget Terezi is blind because she can read you like no other and never needs help with anything. You brought yourself back into the present to finish this conversation. Or, more like losing battle.

“Yeah Dave! you are so creepy! Asking to know everything about a stranger? I'd call you a stalker if I didn't know you.” she dragged out the ‘o’ in ‘so’ to exaggerate.

“Don't act like you didn't ask about John” you retorted.

“Yea, but at least he knew my name! And I was talking to him on my own too’ you opened you mouth to argue but was cut off by her again.

“-Arguments when he picks up his drink don't count” you closed your mouth again and rolled your eyes, out of rebuttals.

“Dave, as much as it pains me, I agree with Vriska” Terezi jumped into the conversation again, still standing at the drinks counter.

“See Dave? Even the blind girl sees you should get together” you look to Terezi who brushes off the rude commment

You racked your brain for arguments on why you should just continue your silly game and not just bite the bullet and ask him out on a real, actual date.

“Fine i'll talk to him tomorrow” you said, finally bucking underneath the two pressuring you.

The girls just grinned. Vriska went to help the next customer and Terezi left to go to her next class. you sighed and looked to where karkat still sat. He looked engrossed in his laptop. He was typing furiously. You saw it was a goggle document open but couldn't guess to what he was working on. You let your thoughts wander about the boy as you continued your work. 

Eventually, he glanced at his phone and gather his stuff. Throwing away his empty cup on the way out. You quickly dropped your gaze to the drink you were mixing. You felt his eyes on you, but when you looked up he was gone.


	2. Unwelcome Walk-In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay!! so things r happening! this is good!

==> Be The Unprepared Dormmate

You are now the unprepared dormmate.  
“Gamzee! I went grocery shopping. I got the eggs you-, oh dear god" you said opening up the dorm door to find your roommate and his boyfriend in a compromising position. 

Gamzee, the goddamn exibitonist, just said his usual greetings, while his boyfriend, Tavros, had some shred of dignity and he scrambled to find something to cover them up. 

You stared them in shock and flipped your shit.  
After a solid minute of colorful language in a mix of Spanish and English you slammed the door shut and walked to the courtyard to calm down and think.

Fuck, who could you call? Sollux is a little antisocial shit and probably won't respond. Plus he's too far a walk anyways he was probably with Eridan and catching one pair fucking was enough. 

Fuck, okay so no friends with dates. Fuck! Why did they all have successful relationships? 

There was always Terezi, but shit was too awkward since your breakup, and you didn't feel like dealing with that tonight. 

There was Nepeta, but she roomed with Equis but he always creeped you out. Anyways, you weren't really sure what their relationship was. So a no for her too. You felt like screaming. 

Damnit, the bench it was. You grabbed your backpack and used it as a pillow. It was cold as shit out and you're sweatshirt wasn't providing much warmth. You shivered, and after a very uncomfortable 20 minutes, fell in a light sleep.

⇒ Be The Cool Kid

You are now the Cool Kid, who totally did not just break into your college to record some new music.

you shoved in your headphones to listen to your new song that you just recorded. You bobbed your head to the sweet beat as you rounded the corner to the courtyard. There you saw a familiar messy black tangle of slightly too long hair and the rather short body that it belonged to laying horizontal on a bench. You took out the headphones and draped them around your neck.

“Hey!” you called out jogging up to see that he was sleeping. You tried calling his name a few times but when he didn't stir you shook him awake. As he became conscious he lashed out grabbing at whatever tried to wake him. You barely stepped away in time.

“Wow there, it's just me” you smirked and held put your hand to help him up. The short 20-something rubbed his eyes and stared up at you with wide brown eyes. “It's Karkat right?” you said, already knowing the answer.

“You're the asshole barista!” you saw the gears in his head turn, a little slow from just being asleep. he scrunched up his nose in realization “And you do know my name!” 

you chuckled. He used your arm as a boost up.

“Nice observational skills, but as much as I love that nickname, it doesn't have the nicest ring to it, call me Dave”. Damn that was smooth. Lets hope he didn't hear your heart beating out of your chest from just the small contact. 

“Ok Dave, what the fuck?”

“You were sleeping.”

“Nice observational skills, asshole” you smirked at Karkat’s lame impression of you.

“On a bench” you continued.

“Thank you, captain fucking obvious. my dorm is a little preoccupied with my roommate fucking his boyfriend at the moment.”

“Yikes.” you saw the strained look in his eyes. Something tells you this has happened before. Yikes for real.

“Now if you would go so I could get some sleep-” the darker skinned boy started speaking but you cut him off before he could finish.

“No dude, it's like 40 degrees out. I'm not letting you sleep on a bench outside and freeze your tits off”

“What? No. fuck no. You could be a crazy guy trying to kill me for all I know.”

You laughed.

“Your choice, frozen man boobs, or or cozy room with a possible ax murderer” Karkat looked down to the ground and thought for a moment.

“I'll take my chances”

“Good choice i don't live too far from here-”

“You live off campus?” he tensed, he looked more hesitant than before.

“Yea, it's like a 10 minute drive, don't worry.” you said. He eased a little bit but still looked hesitant. You forgot, you were still pretty much a stranger to him.

“I'll feed you” you said in a last ditch effort. You couldn't let him freeze out here! and that seemed to seal the deal.  
“Alright” he grumbled. He took out his phone and opened his message application. He hesitated and put it back away, not before you noticed the huge font. It was hard not to see the screen considering the asshole had the brightness all the way up.

“Are you blind?” you teased.

“No fuck you”

“Then why the huge ass font size”

“For your information, I ran out of contacts” he put his hands on his hips in defiance and craned his neck to stare at you.

You wished your eyes were your camera so you could take a picture of him at this moment. It was so cute.

Instead you just said “No spare glasses?” you ruffled his hair like a kid. karkat got the same expression as a chicken who got his feathers ruffled and batted your hand away with more force than needed. His face was slightly red, maybe from anger, maybe from embarrassment.

“Yea ,but I look stupid, anyways we are getting way off topic. You were about to take me to your lair and murder me.”

“How could I forget? This way please” you ironically offered your arm like a true gentleman and Karkat just gave you this baffled look. You dropped your arm but insisted on opening his door for him. He gave you the same baffled expression. You smiled to yourself as you walked around your shitty Buick and got in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its rly short!


	3. Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they are both terrible

==> Be The Awkward Guest

You are now the awkward guest! The car ride was mostly ok. Just small talk mostly.  
“Huh” you said once inside. There was a stocky kid with messy hair in dorky glasses sitting on the couch, but he jumped up when he saw you

“Sorry about the mess we weren't expecting visitors.” he randomly picked up socks and random items strewn around the room. 

“Dave! Wow I don't expect you to listen to the girls! Wow this is great-” the stocky kid tried to leap over the armrest but tripped and fell with an ‘oof’ as the wind was knocked out of him. Dave had a weird expression on his face like relief. What had John been about to say? His thought were interrupted by the dorky kid again.

“Anyways, my names John! You must be Karkat! I have heard so much about you!!’” he dragged out the ‘o’ on ‘so’. Why did that sound familiar? He stuck his hand out to shake even though he was still on the ground. Karkat shook his hand awkwardly. Still trying to figure out why the voice inflexion was familiar.

“Damn John, Vriska's a lucky lady. I wonder how she got a catch like you?”dave said sarcastically. 

Vriska! That's it! Why did this kid know Vriska?

“Shoosh no comment on my gracefulness. speaking of girlfriend I came here to say goodbye. I finished packing up my stuff!” John stood up and brushed off his clothes.

Wait? Girlfriend?

“Wait, wait, Vriska?” Karkat managed to spit out despite his shock.

“Yea, do you know her?”

“We, uh, kinda grew up together”

“Oh right I forgot you guys were all a friend group right? anyways, I gotta go! see you later, nice to meet you Karkat. Maybe we'll all hang out soon’ John waggled his eyebrows at Dave who just shooed him away.

“Is there something I should know? Whats going on? Why did he know so much about me?” 

Dave rubbed his neck and wandered into the kitchen and rustled around the refrigerator. He grabbed two mountain dews and gave on to you. He leaned up against the counters opposite of you and crossed his arms.

“Uh, Terezi” he said. He gave no further information and you were done witht his cryptic assholeishness, you saw straight through his cool kid exterior, and were sick of it.

You made a face and said. “Quit with the one fucking word answers already” you crossed your arms mirroring Dave. it was considerably less intimidating than Dave, considering he was about a foot and a half taller than you. 

“Sheesh someone's got their panties in a twist.” he paused to see your reaction. You narrowed your eyes in annoyance but choose to keep you're mouth shut. He continued “So Terezi is my friend, we met as freshman and hit it off, I guess. Then I started working at starbucks and offhandedly said something about you being a jackass or something and she said she knew you. Apparently you guys dated in high school?”

”Yea? So what?” you asked indignantly. “Are you asking if you can date her? Are you seriously asking my permission? If so, you have my fucking blessing. We haven't dated in over a year. I'm over it” well you kinda were. It was still a touchy subject. You were still way into her when she dumped you hard on your ass. This conversation was like hot iron pressed into your skin.

“No, dude, that's not at all what i'm doing” he took a swig of the overly sugary drink. 

You let out a sigh of relief and he raised one brow

“Do you still like her?” he asked. And you exploded

“How dare you! I do not! No I- I” you were angry but now was not the time. This guy was gracious enough to offer you his couch. You couldn't get kicked out now. You swore under your breath and tried to collect your thoughts. “I don't like her, no” you opened your eyes that you didn't know you had shut, or more like squeezed. You rubbed your temple from the strain you put on them. Dave had moved to a more defensive stance, like he was expecting you to come at him. When he saw you weren't, he adopted a more casual stance, but he didn't relax his shoulders.

“Don't worry, i'm not going to hit you” you said trying to ease the tension in the room.

“No that's not it, well not all it. Terezi just had warned me of you're temper” dave was very apprehensive. Like every word he said was going to set you off.

You felt your nostrils flair. “Yea, I had a little bit of an anger management problem back in high school” you rubbed your neck sheepishly “I got help though, and I'm better now, I guess.” you fingered the cap on the soda.

The silence in the kitchen was deafening

“That's good” he said at last.

“Yeah” you replied. “So what else did she tell you?”

“Just some general info, like how you're an angry numbnut and you're major and stuff.”

“So stuff you could have asked me like a man?”

“Gendered insults... real creative”

“Fuck off” you said.

“Dude, chill” 

“No you chill, you chill right the fuck off and let me sleep on your goddamn couch in peace”

“Fine” he walked you to the couch.

“Blankets are over there” he pointed to a basket with three of four blankets in it and headed down the hall to, presumably, his room. You gathered the blankets and started designing your nest.

Just as you were getting all comfy in your cocoon of blankets a soft ball of something whacked you in the face.

“Pajamas,” Dave said peeking his head out from around the corner.

“Thank you” you grumbled a reply. 

You inspected the borrowed articles of clothing. The shirt was worn soft from use. It was black with pink cartoon ponies on it and 3 sizes too big. The pants were useless. They were about a foot and a half too long and the waistband elastic was too stretched to stay around your waist. You opted just for the shirt and you're boxers. He wouldn't even see them would he? You stripped out of your black sweater and jeans so old the black has faded to a grey. You folded them nicely on the armrest after slipping on the gigantic shirt. You boxers just peeked out of the bottom on the hem. You climbed back into your nest of blankets and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they are both caring assholes


	4. video games

==> Be The Loving Wife

You can't be the loving wife, you are too busy dealing with a grumpy as fuck Karkat and not burning your bacon. 

You woke up before him and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for the two of you.   
After clanging around the kitchen and making coffee the sleeping beauty decided to rise. 

“Ow fuck” he said after falling off the couch. You saw it from the kitchen over the bar counter  
“Nice crabs” you said gesturing to his patterned boxers. His face turned red as the cartoon crustations on his underwear. He tried to find his pants. Or any of his clothes. 

“In the wash” you said, answering the unasked question.

If it was possible his face got redder. 

 

“Dude you're fine, I don't care” you turned away not wanting to get caught staring at his ass like you did to him a few days ago. No way you could let him have that satisfaction. Also it worked to hide the blush threatening to creep onto your cheeks. You heard him huff in annoyance and the scrape of the chair as he sat at the counter.

“Breakfast is served.” You said dishing up. The two of you munched on your eggs and bacon in silence. Only this silence wasn't as awkward as yesterday's.

When you were done eating you offered to play some video games. He was truly shitty. Like you don't even understand how he got twelfth place in mario kart. That was an achievement in an of itself.

“So…” you said casually after a round of pathetic races. “There is a vacancy in casa del strider”

“Yea?” Karkat said, too focused on his game to comprehend the statement.

“And the rents a bitch to pay on my own and since you didn't seem to happy with your current living circumstances. i was wondering if you would like to move in?” you looked at karkat who had paused to think it over. 

“You would be a terrible roommate” he said at last. That made you laugh

“So far you've got pretty low standards with Gamzee and all.”

Karkat just scowled and fell of the rainbow bridge.

He screeched something in Spanish as he tended to do when he was caught of guard and turned to look up at you.

“Yeah ok” he said at last. “But you're going to help me move my shit.”  
You agreed to those terms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its super short! but hey at least they are patching stuff up


	5. Invitation

==> Be The Genius

You are now the genius, or you think you are, anyways.

But regardless of IQ you cannot figure out what your story needs. This creative writing class has been a blast, but you've got serious writers block right now. You ripped off your headphones and hung your head in your hands.

“You ever going to show me what you are always hacking away at?” the voice you've become accustomed to spoke from across the table. Shit when did he show up, you could've sworn he wasn't there a minute before. 

You looked up. Dave was setting another drink out in front of you. You have decided the best perk out of moving in with dave was that he bought you drinks randomly. Like the really good kind. Like the venti 10 dollar shit 15 year old, white girls get. It was a blessing. 

“No never” you wrapped your arms around your precious laptop. In case he tried to steal it away.

“Not even going to tell me what it is?”

“No”

“Fine i'll just assume it's gay smut fanfiction.”

You felt your jaw drop 

“it it not!” you gasped. 

“Well unless you prove otherwise i'll continue to think that” 

You know you're mouth was moving like a fish's searching for argument. 

“Aren't you supposed to be working?” 

“Nope. my shift ended two minutes ago as of now”

“You-!” you cut yourself off. No use getting angry now. You just closed your eyes and took a breath

“But i do gotta go.”

You were confused. You had thought you had memorized his schedule. Dave had his school on mondays, wednesdays, and thursdays and work on all but fridays. You're feeling of confusion probably showed on you're face. 

“I got yoga class” 

You almost spit out you're drink. 

“Yoga class?!”   
“Gotta stay lean and limber, man.”

You had thought you had him down. He was a rude jerk off but actually put a lot of care into his actions. He meets up with Terezi to talk on a regular basis, he asked if you wanted to come once, you said no. He didn't ask again after that. John comes over to play video games. He wasn't as good as dave, but was still crushing you. Dave looked at john wish such care in his eyes. It made you feel funny. It made you feel… well, kinda jealous, truth be told. You liked John, even though he was incredibly dorky. You could see why Vriska liked him. You thought dave might of liked him too. You asked dave about it one night. He admitted that as a kid, when he was just starting to come to terms with his sexuality he had liked John. He never acted upon his feelings though. Why? He didn't say. You could still see the lingering feelings he harbored. It wasn't a crush, persay, but more of a residual kinda thing. You could understand that. You had that too.

Dave continue to surprise you.

“Want to come?” Dave had stood up and was now extending his hand to help you up too. He did that. You weren't sure why.

“What? No!” no way in hell were you going to a yoga class. Yoga was for white moms who have a pinterest and eat kale and quinoa exclusively. No way you were going.

Somehow you found yourself tagging along.

As soon you entered the building you were attacked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh well learn what Karkat writes as soon as i think of it

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter was rly lame i promise it will get better!!


End file.
